some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
