She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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