i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
