She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
