Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
