I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
