Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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