when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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