Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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