Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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