well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
