Sponge bath it is.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?