Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.