Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.