yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?