And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator