No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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