we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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