so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the condom got lost in my hair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
