please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
