C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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