How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
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im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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