I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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