that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
