So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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