I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
