Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
