I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
