do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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