omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize