so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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