i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
