Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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