I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
