I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
