its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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