There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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