So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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