I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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