I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
