Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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