Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
