We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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