Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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