i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
