shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The air was thick with penises
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
