Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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