Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
