but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
