you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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