I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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