Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
