'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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