New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
