its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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