hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
