I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
