I faked an abortion last night.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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