i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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