38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
