I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
