please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
