threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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