I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
how does that bad decision feel?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
