Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
