One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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