i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
