why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
