Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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