Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
