he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
