I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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