So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
