Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
